Life is so much harder without my former old friends. Sugar and Junk food.
Not to say I am perfect because we all damn well know I am not. Some days it is easier than others to resist temptation. Friday was a total I don't give a flying fig day. Even though I have been absent for a few weeks I am happy to say that has been the only one. I also nipped it so that it stayed ONE day.
I set myself up by "allowing" myself one sugar filled treat. I rationalized it to myself that it was one cheat and that would be it. Once you allow (at least this is how it was for me) that one break in the armor then the rest of it is easily shattered. You know the whole- Well I already f'ed up this day so I might as well continue. I might have been ok with just that one thing. But then I saw a flavor of ice cream that I haven't seen since I was 5 years old. I just HAD to get a one scoop cone of that. The flavor? Smurf. Anyone remember it? Creamy blue raspberry with mini marshmallows. Then that opened the door to some fancy cupcakes.
I am finding myself sad a lot more often now. I think it is because I am not burying my face in a pint of ice cream or box of little debbies. I have to face certain feeling now that I was able to bury with crap. Right now I am dealing with something borderline traumatic for me. It is so unbelievably dumb I fully admit but it really bothers me. My hair is thinning along the part. I have been unhappy with my hair for a little while now hence the darker wash out dye to see if that helped. Once I realized the thinning I mentioned it to a coworker and she was all like "Yeah, it has been for a while. It shows more when your hair is dirty and in a ponytail" Those words were a smack across the face and really hurt me. It isn't like she intentionally planned to hurt me but to admit you noticed and didn't say a thing to me was the hurtful part.
Amazingly enough (to me at least) I still haven't eaten my feelings away regarding this. Still getting used to the idea and hoping that the trauma will fade in time. I would so much rather go grey
Yes I know I sound like a whiny baby. There is more to the sads also but some stuff just shouldn't be blogged about.
Anyway
Day 2 here of back on track ness.
I totally relate, both to the slippery slope if I were to allow one treat and to coping with thinning hair. Having PCOS brings many side-effects including thinning hair at the crown. It can make me feel unfeminine. I hope to relieve symptoms of PCOS when I get closer to goal but who knows if it will happen. It does suck though. I remember feeling lucky cuz no one in my family goes gray so I won't either but you're right ... I would rather have gray hair than lose hair. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I hear no whiny babies at all!. Your post could have been put here for me today. Thanks for making me feel less alone with my worries, and less guilt-ridden for having succumbed to the lure of sweet stuff to deal with stress too.
ReplyDeleteAs to going grey - hey, don't fret it, just do it! I have come to a place in life where I will NOT colour my hair, and take pride in every grey strand. The challenges of life, and coming through the other side, means I have earned the right to own every single one - and I'm proud of 'em.
Sending good thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteYou're preaching to the choir. And I would be upset if someone made that remark. That was just ... weird.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet darling friend ... check your Omega 3 levels ... grab some Biotin ... maybe even up your carbs a bit (I know ... I know ... ).
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